The Emmy Red Carpet is the last major award show red carpet of the year! 2012’s awards red carpet season capped off with a myraid of colors this go around. There were many shades of blue, orange, red, yellow and green. It looked like a gay pride float erupted all over the Emmys. There were alot of dresses that didn’t move me, whether to like it or hate it. It felt like designs that I have seen before, and so I wanted to see something different and unexpected on the red carpet. There was also various shades of gray, which made me think that most of the designers had a little bit of inspiration from the E.L. James novel. Do you think the designers had to orgasm in order to create their gray-based gowns? Who knows. But here are my picks for Best & Worst dressed! (click on the links to see exactly what the starlets wore)
Padma Lakshmi in Monique Lhuillier: I admit that at first, Padma in this Monique Lhuillier gown was one of the ones that didn’t move me. But the more I saw it on the red carpet, and the more I came to realize how stunning Padma’s skin tone looked with the orange color, I began to love it. This gown is very simple in design. Fishtail bottom: Check. Sweetheart neckline: Check. Strapless: Check. But it’s the way that Padma is rocking this gown with such confidence like a guinea pig amongst hamsters that really sells it for me. And I also loved that she was brave enough to show off her scare on her arm. You don’t even recognize that there is a scare there because you are so captivated by Padma’s beauty. The makeup and hair completes the overall look.
Ginnifer Goodwin in Monique Lhuillier: Another stunning Monique Lhuillier gown and one that is also in an orange color. I love this dress on Ginnifer for several reasons. One of them is because the dress really compliments Ginnifer’s pixie haircut. It makes her hairstyle looks very feminine and doesn’t make her look like a boy in a dress. Also, the gown allows Ginnifer to show off her fierce Red Bottoms, which I am gagging over. And finally, the intricate detail on the dress is like beautiful artwork. All three reasons make Ginnifer secure a spot on the best dressed list.
Tina Fey in Vivienne Westwood: Whoever is Tina Fey’s stylist needs to get a raise and then some. They have managed to make Tina look amazing for every major red carpet of 2012. And I’m not saying that Tina Fey isn’t a beautiful woman, but for anyone who watches “30 Rock” knows that her character on the show is the least glamorous on there. This Vivienne Westwood column gown makes Tina look skinny but still manages to make it seem like she has curves. And look at those boobs! Who knew Tina Fey could give Sofia Vergara a run for her money? Ok well I might have been reaching with that last statement, but Tina was looking appropiately sexy on the red carpet.
Hayden Panettiere in Marchasa: I’m such a fan of Marchasa and their designs, and this gown on Hayden does not disappoint. I love the blue tulle over the gold dress. It really gives off this expensive East Indian princess vibe. She’s like Jasmine going to the ball sans Aladdin because she caught him doing some nasty shit to that flying red carpet and so she wore this dress to show Aladdin what he’s missing out on. Run-on sentences aside, this dress looks stunning on Hayden, and it makes her look taller than she actually is. An added bonus that made Hayden secure a spot on this list.
Elisabeth Moss in Dolce & Gabbana: Y’all see what a little peroxide to the scalp can do for a girl? I was not a fan of Elisabeth’s blonde hair at first. But I guess I had to see it styled in order to really appreciate how good the change of hair color elevates her beauty. Now let’s be real, Elisabeth Moss is not the most attractive person in Hollywood. Especially when she’s standing next to Christina Hendricks and her massive titties. I mean even Christina’s areolas are more attractive than Elisabeth Moss when she was a brunette! But this D&G gown looks amazing on her. I don’t even like floral print gowns, but there’s something about the way this gown is cut and sewn than really appeals to me. And thank the Gods that homegirl is showing us that she has a neck! She always stands with her shoulders trying to attack her chin. Good job Elisabeth! Keep up the good work. Don’t let me down come next year…
Sofia Vergara in Zuhair Murad: There are certain designers that these starlets wear that would guarantee that they’ll appear on almost every best dressed list, and Zuhair Murad is one of those designers. How fucking sexy did Sofia look in Zuhair’s gown?! That ass! WERK! And y’all know I’m a sucker for a sequined or shiny gown. I was so glad that Sofia didn’t go with the usual strapless gown from Carolina Hererra. Although she always looks beautiful in those types of gowns, this dress right here just put Sofia on a pedestal that most of these other bitches can’t touch. And again, THAT ASS! I think I felt something in my pants…
Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano: I just want to take this time out to really say how proud I am of Christian Siriano. He has come a long way from winning “Project Runway” all those years ago. Now on to Christina. I was a little worried for her. Christina Hendricks tends to walk on the red carpet dressed as if she hates her body. But she really nailed it in this silver gown designed by Christian. I could do without the belt. I feel like there should’ve been another way to cinch in her waist in this gown. But I can overlook it because the rest of the dress is so amazing. And it really makes her red hair pop. And her boobs are not too exposed to the point where they look like there are trying to escape to freedom.
January Jones in Zac Posen: Now this is FASHION! I love when I look at a gown and can see the hard work that was put into the design. I love when I can see that the designer was inspired by something to make a gown look like a piece of artwork. January Jones ALMOST rocked this Zac Posen gown but the makeup and hair is very polarizing. The makeup and hair is too harsh for this dress. The dress alone is quite harsh on its own, so when you pair the hair and make-up with it you come off looking like super villian from a Tim Burton movie. But that aside, this dress really peeked my interest.
Nicole Kidman in Antonio Berardi: Nicole Kidman rarely disappoints on the red carpet. Ole girl is like a designers dream client. So it’s no shock that Nicole made a statement on the red carpet in this Antonio Berardi gown. Looking as statuesque as ever, Nicole brought a sense of regality to the red carpet. I’m glad she opted to go sleeveless because the original design of the dress had sleeves. And the blue embellisment detail on the front is very beautiful. It’s like high end macaroni art. And I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.
Cat Deeley in Tadashi Shoji: I love Cat Deeley, so her inclusion on this list might be because I find her so darn cute! But then when I really examined the Tadashi Shoji dress she worn, then that justified her right to be on the best dressed list. Red was a major color on the red carpet, and Cat was one of the people who really rocked it. I loved the simplicity of it all, and Cat really looks happy with what she’s wearing. Hi-5 Cat!
Leslie Mann in Naeem Khan: This is another dress that I had to look at more to really appreciate it. This Naeem Khan gown that Leslie is wearing at first looks like it could go on the worst dressed list, but then you begin to really look at the beaded top and you begin to really appreciate the intricate design work that was put into this gown. It’s actually quite stunning to look at. And the mustard color bottom of the dress works well with the styling of the entire look. So at the end, I ended up loving it. It’s like when you enter a relationship with a person who’s not that great at sex but still puts in the work to satisfy you. Eventually you truly fall in love.
Anna Gunn in J. Mendel: I almost didn’t put Anna Gunn on this list because her dress kind of reminds me of Cat Deeley’s. But then my love for this J. Mendel gown made me say fuck it and so here she is! Again, just like Leslie Mann, the styling is what helped Anna’s look elevate to the next level. Home girl was dripping in diamonds like she was a rapper from the Dirty South. But the many folds on this gown is so perfect that it doesn’t make Anna look like she has a weird shape. The architecture of the gown makes it look very chic and expensive. And the red color adds more to the overall look.
Allison Williams in Oscar de la Renta: LOVE! This Oscar de la Renta gown look so good on Allison. I love the emerald color. And peplum is still a hot trend in fashion. Here is isn’t too much of a peplum design. Just enough to make this dress stand out on the carpet. I believe Allison was the only person who arrived in such a bold green color. I may be wrong, but who gives a fuck. I love this dress!
Lucy Liu in Versace: AMAZING!! Oh my God! When this bitch stepped on the red carpet, she immediately made me put down my phone and just watch her! This Versace gown is structurally and architectually SICKENING! And yes the dress looks like it weighs more than Lucy Liu soaking wet, but who the fuck cares! This futuristic gown is just to die for. This is fashion folks! Versace always brings it when it comes to structured designs, and this gown just really put everyone else’s gown to shame. BEST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT!
Jena Malone in J. Mendel: J. Mendel had a real up and down night on the red carpet. In this case, J. Mendel was more down than a whore on a Saturday night. This dress is so ugly and shapeless. It looks like a bad hair show project gone wrong. Like someone’s cousin Kita tried to make a dress out of the leftover weave she had from her homemade lacefront. It’s just wrong. The only thing good about this look are the shoes. The shoes are to die for. But it’s not enough to save Jena from the worst dressed list.
Glenn Close in Bibhu Mohapatra: Did Glenn Close get into an accident on the way to the red carpet? What in the world is this dress about? I don’t get it. There’s cut outs and overlays of fabric here and there. I just get more confused the more I look at this dress. This dress is like being in the mind of a mentally challenged individual. You just don’t know what’s going on at any given time. And the sad thing about this dress is that it makes Glenn Close look like a dude in a dress. If it wasn’t for the hair, I would have thought this was Robin Williams in drag. No bueno, Glenn!
Lena Dunham in Prada: I’ve seen the show “Girls” on HBO. And I have seen Lena Dunham in all her naked glory. To say that the girl is built like a sack of loose change in a sock…Yea. So it can’t be easy to find a great gown that will accentuate the curves that Lena wants to show. Sadly this Prada gown doesn’t do that. On a skinny bitch, this Parada gown probably would look nice, but this dress does nothing for Lena. And Lena herself doesn’t look happy with what she’s wearing. Her face tells me “What the fuck is this piece of shit I’m wearing? I look like Violet from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory turning into a giant blueberry!” I see your pain Lena. I see it and I wanna help.
Lena Headey in Armani Prive: A rare miss by Armani Prive. This gown on Lena Headey makes her look like she’s about to scare people on the red carpet. If I were at the Emmy Awards, I would have gathered an angry mob together to burn this witch-looking bitch at the stake! Where’s the sex appeal of this dress? This doesn’t make Lena look beautiful in the least bit. I’m very turned off. This dressed has made me so gay that whatever attraction I felt for Sofia Vergara is all gone now. WORST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT!
Claire Danes in Lanvin: Yellow was a major color on the red carpet. Yellow was also a major disaster on the red carpet. This Lanvin gown on Claire does her body no justice. I know that Claire is currently with child, but c’mon son! She looks like a sack of spoiled potatoes in this dress! It seems like she’s hiding her baby bump instead of showing it off. And this yellow color is just….ew.
Julianne Moore in Christian Dior: The yellow trend gets even worst as Julianne Moore had the nerve to step out on the red carpet in this pee stained gown by Christian Dior. This is a clear example of when a dress can only look good on a runway model. On Julianne, this dress looks like a spanx creation gone wrong. And again, the color is not translating well. I shouldn’t look at your gown and think if I flushed the toilet. No bueno!
Lindsay Pulsipher in Bibhu Mohapatra: So did Lindsay want to come off as a frumpy little girl on the red carpet? First of all, this is the designer’s second time on this list. Secondly, did the designer not finish this gown by the time Lindsay put it on to wear? Something looks very unfinished about it. Like when you hold back an orgasm. And lastly, why didn’t someone show this girl how to stand up straight? She’s going to end up more hunchback than the letter “c” when she gets to old age.
Zosia Mamet in Bibhu Mohapatra: And this designer makes a THIRD appearence on the worst dressed list! Oh he’s never going to be able to get anyone to wear his clothes ever again. And lets hope so, because this gown on Zosia is just terrible. It looks bad only because this dress looks so wrong for this girl. It looks like she’s trying hard to come off somewhat sexy, but she only comes off looking like awkward frog in a dress. And the dress isn’t all that appealing neither. There are alot of elements that are clashing to overall make it a bad look.
Ashley Judd in Carolina Herrera: Was Ashley missinformed about where she was going that day? She’s dressed like she’s going to host a beauty pagent starring Honey Boo Boo instead of the Emmys. This Carolina Herrera gown is just so…pink. And the hair is so rigid. She looks like a Replubican’s wife. I haven’t seen something that rigid since Lindsey Lohan’s firecrotch pubic hairs. Good lord woman!