The pinnacle of all red carpets has arrived! The 85th Annual Academy Awards showcased the best in film from the last year, but all of the gorgeous and beautiful people of Hollywood arrived to the red carpet bringing their best…and not so best…fashion A game. I’m proud to say that a lot of the starlets on the red carpet looked very, very beautiful. It was a bit difficult choosing who to put on my best dressed. And I’m happy (and yet little disappointed) that there wasn’t a lot of starlets on my worst dressed lists. Guess these bitches wanted to make a good long lasting impression. Or they know that wearing something bad would get them royally bashed on all social networking sites.
The major trend on this red carpet was glitz and sparkle. Almost all the dresses that sashayed down the Oscars’ red carpet had some type of sequined, shine, or sparkled appliqué. And If you have been following this blog long enough, you know that sparkly things attracts me. So lets get to it, shall we? Here are my picks, in no particular order, for the 2013 Academy Awards Best & Worst Dressed! (click the links to see what each person wore)
Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive: Jessica was the pure example of Old Hollywood glamour in this stunning Armani Prive gown. I would say that I wish it was in a different color. Like if it were in an emerald green, this dress would have popped with her skin and hair color. But nevertheless, I love this dress. I’ve always appreciated Jessica’s body type. She’s not too skinny. She has curves in all the right places, and this dress accentuates that so lovely. Would have gotten my pick for best dressed of the night had it been in another color. But well done, Jessica. You look like a star.
Reese Witherspoon in Louis Vuitton: Werk Elle Woods! Reese was looking all types of bombshell on the red carpet thanks to this tailor made to fit her Louis Vuitton gown. I like the mixture of the blue and black color blocking that is incorporated in this gown. I like the sweetheart neckline that is doing wonders for her boobs. And if there was an Oscar award given out for best hair, Reese would win it hands down. Hunty, her hair is layed like blessed Holy water! That hair is flowing like the river Nile! Whoever is her hairstylist deserves every dollar they made from Reese. Cause the hair made Reese’s overall look a clear winner on the red carpet.
Kelly Rowland in Donna Karen Atelier: GOERGEOUS! Babeh, Kelly Row and that BODY! She has been shitting all over these other hoes on the red carpet lately. Especially her look at this past Grammy Awards. And she does not disappoint in this Donna Karen gown that fits her like a glove. I love the asymmetry of this neckline, and the way it kind of flows like a sculpture. The architectural look of this dress is what really attracts me to it. And Kelly’s hair compliments her dress as well. Kelly looks like a Black Barbie doll and I am loving every inch of her entire look!
Kerry Washington in Mui Mui: Kerry was looking like the sexiest glass of red koolaid in this Mui Mui gown. The sparkle detail at the top was so masterfully created. Its such a statement look that I can excuse Kerry for not including a lot of blinged out accessories with her look. She didn’t need a diamond necklace, or chandelier diamond earrings to pair with this gown. Because the gown shouted bling bling itself. And it was tailored exceptionally for that phat ass of hers! I do wish her hair was different. I love her with bangs, and she could have worked the bang look with this dress. But overall, I’m in love with this look. Werk Olivia Pope!
Zoe Saldana in Alexis Mabille Couture: BEST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT! Zoe came out in this Alexis Mabille Couture gown and she had me at HELLO! What I love and appreciate about this gown is that asymmetrical, floral embroidered bodice. That must have taken hours to construct! And it was made so beautifully. And I love how there is a contrast with busyness of the top of the dress and the simplicity of the bottom half of the dress. It conveys a sense of balance that makes this look so fashion forward. Zoe just worked this look so good in a dress by an unknown designer. I mean Zoe just put this bitch on the fashion map, OKAY?! Along with the accessories and the hair, Zoe was my clear choice for best dress on the red carpet.
Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture: Finally Jennifer wore something on the red carpet that blew me away. Her previous red carpet appearances either underwhelmed me or didn’t move me at all, but Jennifer in this Dior gown just screams movie star. I love the big, poofy, voluminous bottom half of the dress. It adds some drama to this look. I do wish the dress was in a different color. The way the dress is cut, and with it being in white, it looks like it could be a wedding dress. If it was in a navy blue, this dress would have been an absolute stunner. I do like that she chose to wear her necklace to the back. Very fashion forward. And her makeup and accessories really compliments the whole look. Good job Jennifer!
Guiliana Rancic in Rafael Cennemo: I loved this look by Guiliana. This Rafael Cennemo look is simple, yet the construction of the dress really attracted me to it. I would say that the style of the dress is a little been there, done that, but hey if its a good trend why not stick to it! A classic black dress is all Guiliana needed since she was on the job and not exactly an actress or performer. So well done G!
Charlize Theron in Dior Couture: When you look up the word “perfection” in the dictionary, you would see a picture of Charlize Theron there. I mean this bitch just embodies perfection! She stepped out on the red carpet and just blew everyone away with her statuesque beauty. This women is wearing this dress, not the other way around. Meaning if you were to put this Dior Couture gown on any other woman, it wouldn’t look nearly as good as it does on Charlize. The shape and cut of this dress just makes Charlize’s body look out of this world. I love the peplum with the sparkle detail. It’s very pretty. And the “v” cut in bodice shows just enough cleavage to make this a hot look. And that haircut just suits her face and shoulders so well. Like if anything, the short cut make Charlize look even more of a sex siren! But in a classy way. I’m just in love with this woman. When I grow up, I want to be Charlize Theron.
Jane Fonda in Atelier Versace: Can you believe that this women is 75! This woman doesn’t even look a day over 40! Her body is unbelievably fit! And this Versace gown just adds to the wonder that is Jane Fonda. I love the color on Jane. That canary yellow looks good against her skin tone. I’m not to crazy about the sparkle details on this gown however. It looks a bit arts & crafts like. But what I do like is the cut of the shoulders on this gown. It gives you 1980s super bitch realness. Jane looks ready to get into a slap fest with Dominque Devereux on “Dynasty.” I love that Jane is proving that it doesn’t matter what age you are, you can still shit on all of these hoes in Hollywood. Put those younger bitches to shame Jane Fonda!
Naomi Watts in Armani Prive: Armani Prive does it once again. They really know how to make fashion look like expensive pieces of art. And this gown on Naomi just looks absolutely amazing. The cut out design is so futuristic. And Naomi has an amazing body which really helps the dress make that impact its suppose to make. And of course I love that its a shiny silver dress! I bet it looked so breathtaking in person.
Sandra Bullock in Elie Saab: I love Sandra Bullock. That could be the reason why she’s on my best dressed list. But she does look very beautiful in this Elie Saab gown. I’m not too much of a fan of the color. That kind of brown just reminds me of shit. It’s a little sad. But I do love the sparkle and lace details. The dress looks very expensive, which I appreciate. So in the end, Sandra kind of earned her spot on my list.
Halle Berry in Versace: I see Versace has a theme going with the whole 1980s super bitch shoulders and I am all for it. Halle Berry is killing the game in this dress. She’s back to top form when it comes to shutting the game down on the red carpet. And with this black and sliver striped Versace gown, Halle is sure to be on many best dressed list. That plunging neckline is sexy and age appropriate. Halle is still letting these girls know that she’s is and will forever be the baddest bitch!
Nicole Kidman in L’Wren Scott: I was shocked to find out that this dress that Nicole wore was designed by L’Wren Scott. Cause I haven’t been a fan of L’Wren Scott in recent years, but this black and gold gown looks really good on Nicole Kidman. Even my mother agreed, and she doesn’t like a lot of things. This dress looks like it was poured right onto Nicole. That liquid like look to the dress is very attractive. I even like the little swivel detailing on the bottom of the dress. Adds a bit of a dramatic flare. And the dress sits up nicely around her boobs. It makes them look very supple. Once again, Nicole Kidman brings it to the red carpet.
Naomie Harris in Michael Badger: When your dress is made of recycled zippers, vintage glass beads…and chocolate candy wrappers, it should be guaranteed a mess, right? Well in this case, it’s not. Because Naomie is looking all kinds of fierce in this Michael Badger gown. All of the eco-friendly material put in to making this gown worked in a way an unconventional challenge of “Project Runway” would. I love the color, especially against Naomie’s skin. I love the detail of the bodice. And I love that high slit. Speaking of the high slit, I’m pretty sure Naomie’s pussy was waxed for the GAWDS!
Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta: This Oscar de la Renta gown that Amy is wearing isn’t exactly terrible. It’s just that I’ve seen it before. I’ve seen this princess inspired, fairytale look many a times on the red carpet. With this being the Academy Awards red carpet, I want to see something new and out of the box. With this color of this gown, the look comes off more dull than exciting. Then when you pair the dress with the drab hair and too simple make-up, you get a look that is way too boring for the Academy Awards. Sorry Amy.
Melissa McCarthy in David Meister: Oh Melissa. Listen, I know that Melissa is not the easiest person to dress for these type of events. She’s a lot more plus size than most plus sized model. But if Octavia Spencer can still represent for the big girls and rock some awesome gowns and still look good, there is no excuse for Melissa McCarthy! She was my pick last year for worst dressed and sadly again…WORST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT! I don’t understand how you can put someone in a dress that looks like bedazzled discount priced bed sheets from Family Dollar. And then the hair! She looks like she’s auditioning to play Tracey Turnblad in a “Hairspray” production that is being held in a theatre in the middle of Wyoming. You can’t possibly tell me that Melissa or anyone in her circle of friends said that this David Meister gown was a good look! I’m upset for Melissa. I just want someone who can handle her body type and dress her in clothing that would make Melissa look like the beautiful woman she is. Cause this look is not it!
Jennifer Hudson in Roberto Cavalli Couture: Oh boy. Where do I begin. Let’s start with this Roberto Cavalli disaster of a dress. This gown looks like it was made up of old foil paper and unused sequins from previous collections. Now I like shiny things, but this right here is too shiny. You can be able to see Jennifer from the Moon. But then that shit on the top of her head masquerading as a wig would prevent you from seeing the dress. That is alot of hair! And a lot of tattered hair at that. I’m surprised that Jennifer Hudson can hold her head up with that heavy ass wig on her head. I hate this whole look. Her stylist should be fired.
Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra: God I hate Kristen Stewart. But that isn’t the reason why she’s on the worst dressed list. It’s because Kristen looks awful in this ill-fitting Reem Acra gown. On anyone else, this dress would have been passable. Because it’s not that bad of a dress. I do like the embroidery and embellishments on the dress. But I’m not a fan of the tulle on the bottom of the dress. The reason why this is a wrong look, is because this gown doesn’t convey Kristen Stewart. And you can see that this dress doesn’t fit her personal style. Add to the fact that it was poorly styled with the wrong accessories, her makeup looks way to drab and dull, and her hair is fucking mess. I’m tired of Kristen Stewart showing up to award shows as if she doesn’t want to be there. Stay the fuck home if that’s the case and save me and my eyes from looking at your boring ass!
Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen: I can’t believe that I am putting an Alexander McQueen dress on the worst dressed list, but this was not the right dress for Salma Hayek. That Gold applique at the top of the dress is so high and tight around her neck, that it looks as if it’s chocking her. Like is she able to swallow? I’m surprised she was able to speak! I don’t like the hair with the tiara either. It’s just the wrong look for Salma. She should have worn something more figure flattering, that showed off her curves and those supple breasts of hers. This Alexander McQueen gown probably would have looked a lot better on someone who was very tall like Nicole Kidman or George Clooney’s girlfriend, Stacey Kiebler.
Helena Bonham Carter in Vivienne Westwood: Ok I know that Bellatrix LaStrange could be a bit of a wacky bitch. But she could be wacky AND fashionable…right? It’s like Helena always has to find the worst of the worst designs of any designer and chooses it to wear to any red carpet. Which was the case with this awful looking Vivienne Westwood gown. Like what was Vivienne thinking? We all kind of understand Helena’s…unique sense of style. But what possessed Vivienne Westwood to make a dress this awful looking? I guess the world would never know…
Jacki Weaver in Rani Zakhem: I’m aware that Jacki Weaver is a little pint sized. But that doesn’t excuse her stylist for putting her in a dress that makes her look like Queen of the Lollipop Guild. This dress makes her look like she’s about 3ft tall! And then all that burgendy fabric makes her look so wide. But I do like her hair and makeup. Just not her dress.
Brandi Glanville in BrandB: First of all, how did this bitch even get an invite to this award show? Second of all, who allowed her to design her own dress? And Lastly, who allowed her onto the red carpet with her fake boobs fighting to escape and attack people? I mean seriously Brandi, your someone’s mother! You have two young children, and yet your out here looking like a whore in a flamingo club. No one in their right mind would dare to leave their house in this walking wardrobe malfunction. Like if you were to drop anything, it’s a wrap. But the dress is ugly for so many reasons. The color is disgusting. The ruffles at the bottom look as if the dress was in a tragic car accident. And then the top of the dress is barely containing your boobs… *sighs* It’s like Brandi Glanville is trying to show everyone why her ex-husband, Eddie Cibiran, left her ass for Leanne Rhimes.